Spite

It’s as if all I ever I did was to please all of the others…

Then again, I wasn’t truly pleasing them… but spiting them. I felt empowered proving them… all of them, wrong. My own self destruction. I expressed myself aesthetically, not socially or energetically. Not attention for fame or gawking looks. I wanted vengeance; revenge on all who said it wasn’t possible to be successful being as I am.. I desired to dissect their pathetic lives in comparison to my own as superior. I relished in laughter at their humiliation and envy to my feats, prominence, health and beauty. I utilized my anger against being an outcast and used it against them. Which only lead to a long road. I was liberated in aspects and enslaved in the vast majority of endless voids. A large part of how I presented myself was not a reflection of who I actually am. I am not who I think I am. None of us are. Only to be broken projections of failed and miserable conditioning. Now I lack motivation because I have no one to spite. A truly reckless skeletal pathway.

I have no one to please anymore, and as such, I have become a black hole of sadness. I am infantile at such a elderly age for this development. Relearning to be who I am and express so justly and authentically. Absurdism eludes my perspective and I am entranced in a hazy psychosis. Unsure of anything that is reality or simulated. I can no longer trust living. But ultimate conclusion to purpose is to enjoy the living. Left mad, I would prefer to be dead.

Death provides more clarity to living. It’s the only truth of our world. While the rest of our world is viewed in a million perspectives that cannot fathom coexisting. Constant competitive nature to survive… when we are past the point of Darwinism. Working to surpass another being to survive one day longer than them. A “heroic” or “noble” path in today’s hypocritical dismantlement of culture; in today’s false virtue; today’s false godliness.